Growing in Laos: Mr Don and the Wild Man
The first piece of advice I was given by a fellow traveller before I went to Laos is "make sure you leave enough time to go to the south." From Vientiane northwards is a well-travelled path, and worthy of a visit, but, he assured me, the south is far more beautiful and a lot mellower. Like most travellers though, I had such a good time in the northern half of the country that I short-changed myself and didn't leave enough time to explore the south.
Even so, Laos had been my favourite country in South East Asia so when I was back in the region again I got myself with a 30 day visa and made my way into the country via the southern border crossing between Mukdahan and Savannakhet. I didn't stop in Savannakhet though - I got a motorbike taxi to the bus station and caught a truck straight down to the 4000 Islands...
The 4000 Islands are in the middle of the Mekong river and right on Laos' southern border with Cambodia - they're called the 4000 Islands because there are about that many of them, and in the rainy season the river can be up to 4 kilometres wide.
Not wanting to smuggle between Thailand and Laos, I hadn't taken any weed with me on this trip - Laos weed is known to be the best in the region and there's plenty of it about so I didn't expect to have empty pockets for any longer than 24 hours. No worries I thought; the best way to get hold of a bit of smoke is to make friends with a couple of the local guys and it'll be sure to come out sooner rather than later. I wasn't wrong.
When I arrived on my chosen island I was hungry, so I dumped my bags at the first restaurant I saw and ordered some food. There was elephant on the menu, but I avoided that and settled for some good old chicken and rice. I was still waiting for my food when a couple of rough looking, sun-scorched middle aged Laotian guys sat down with me. They were obviously sussing me out, but they had big smiles and an old plastic water bottle full of Lao Lao (a local spirit made from rice). The 3 of us got stuck into the Lao Lao; we all shared one glass and I was given the first shot...
"Bloody hell mate, how strong is that?"
"Strong?" he laughed...
He poured some of it out on to the wooden table and sparked it with his lighter... It caught instantly, he looked at me and we both laughed.
I was well on the way to getting drunk before I made my excuses, rented a bicycle and had a little exploratory ride around the island - it was stunning; I was riding along thin dirt tracks, through people's yards and took a few detours round some dry paddy fields. There wasn't an engine to be heard on the island. The few houses dotted around were big and spacious; they were made from blackened wooden planks and raised up on old wooden stilts. People and animals were all lazing about under the houses, hiding from the heat of the midday sun - that famous domain of mad dogs and Englishmen! There were big, old fruit trees and clumps of 7 or 8 meter high bamboos everywhere. Small bamboo shelters were dotted around the yards and paddy fields and there was no hint of a television or radio anywhere. A few bits of corrugated iron, the odd bicycle and some nearly dead stereos seemed to be the only things separating this island from the days of the agricultural revolution! It was a proper trip out; a real escape from everything, even time.
I was comfortable, peaceful and a little bit pissed when I made up my mind to spend that entire 30 day visa on these islands... And the longer I stayed the more friendly I got with the locals; and I scored with no trouble at all - all the men on the island were smoking it quite openly. It was after about 10 days that Mr Don, one of the guys who I'd got drunk with on the first day, took me into his confidence and told me about a crop he had growing on one of the other islands. He asked if I'd like to go out on a boat with him to have a look at his crop - bloody right mate! When can we go?
The next day he came and knocked on the back ‘window' of my bamboo hut, he was grinning a shifty grin, he gave me a nod and I knew we were ready to go. I followed him down to the river bank where we hopped into a small long-boat and motored our way through the maze of islands that filled the river. After about 15 minutes we pulled into the side of one of the islands and he tied the boat up to an old bush. He told me to get off the boat and on to the island through the bush; I climbed through the bush, jumped onto the river bank and found myself face to face with a wild looking, nearly naked, wiry little Laotian man squatting right in front of me - he was grinning from ear to ear, holding a big machete and he had a crude picture of a tiger tattooed on his chest - he burst out laughing at the shock that must've been plastered all over my face! Mr Don followed me through the bush and we trotted through the jungled island, dodging the nests and highways of giant ants as we made our way into a clearing in the centre, all the while being led by the grinning little machete-wielding wild man...
When a clearing opened up in front of us I saw several very healthy looking female plants which, I estimated, were already about a month into their flowering cycle. In the very middle of the crop stood a spindly looking male whose swollen pollen sacks were on the verge popping - the crop was set out as if they were actually trying to put all the females to seed!
I asked the wild man for his machete, he looked a bit puzzled but Mr Don told him to give it up and I went over and cut the male out of the ground. They looked a bit confused. I spent the next 10 minutes explaining the difference between male and female plants, why the man plants are bad because they make boom-boom with the lady plants and then the lady makes babies - seed is baby and baby no good for smoking! Using a stick, I drew pictures in the dirt to help explain the technicalities of pollination. They never realised that plants could be male or female - it was a totally new concept to them. I told him I thought the plants, being pure sativa's, should be left for another 6 to 8 weeks at least - this length of time surprised him as well.
Mr Don didn't want to draw attention to the plants by going out to see them very often, especially with a white guy, so we kept it as our little secret. My visa wasn't going to last as long I'd need to see the flowering through though, so I went back to Thailand after about 3 weeks to eat some decent grub and do a bit of shopping... I bought a few luxuries - tins of baked beans, 3 boxes of king size blue skins, and some pens, pencils, paper and solar powered calculators for the school on the island. After a few busy days in Bangkok I was on my way back to the islands again with an incredibly heavy rucksack and a fresh 30 day visa.
The duration of my next visa was all about chilling out and waiting. I'd got to know the island quite well and acted as an unofficial guide for a few other travellers that were turning up - most of them arrived planning to stay for a couple of days, but almost everyone ended up staying as long as they could because the place was so chilled out - the only technology around was mobile phones, the car battery generated electricity, the nearly dead stereos, and the engines on the back of the boats... It was an incredibly easy place to let days and weeks drift by whilst chilling out in hammocks and exploring the nooks and crannies of the island on an old bicycle.
During this stay Mr Don asked me if I'd go and check on the plants for him, he told me he wanted me to take a couple of other travellers he'd made friends with - with pleasure my friend! The three of us borrowed an old boat and some paddles, we told the others we were just going out for an afternoon on the river. The river had changed in the weeks since I'd been there a few weeks before though - the level had dropped and the vegetation on the islands was browning off in the heat and dryness of the hot season... The changing scenery and my cloudy memory managed to get us hopelessly lost amongst the maze of islands and we grounded the boat several times. We never found the plants again; the other guys were a bit gutted but we had a good laugh getting ourselves into and out of trouble on the rocks of the river bed. Well, I did anyway!
Despite the lack of clocks, time was still ticking and I had to go back to Thailand for one more visa run before the plants were ready - it was a good chance to stock up with some more baked beans, rizzlas and pens, pencils, paper and calculators again... Back amongst old friends in Bangkok, I couldn't help telling a few of them about what I was getting up to in Laos - we were all like-minded folk and I was hoping a few of them would come out and join me for a week or two, especially seeing as I promised them some of the best smoke they could dream of! One of my mates told me she was up for it but she had to wait a couple of weeks before she could come out...
Back on the island again things were starting to get exciting - the big Cambodian crops were already finding their way across the border and it wasn't uncommon to bump into little Cambodian men walking about with a sacks slung over their shoulder - their weed was going for US$21 a kilo, it was still damp and seeded, but US$21 a key! We bought a kilo from one of them, separated all the still-wet buds that had been squashed together, dried them in the shade for a few days and then separated all the seeds so we had plenty of good quality puff while we were waiting for our crop to come through...
To be continued...
S
Soft Secrets
